Just blogging

I have found that if you love life, life will love you back....

this past yr i struggled. through school: academics, journalism.

with family...and friends

with myself.

yet i have not yet found the solution. didnt noe what i was really getting myself into. but this year; i had to learn my place and what my priorities were.

so here goes: the beg of my journey

naive, soft-spoken i was given the opportunity of bein eic. haha. its funny. people come up to me, fascinated by this "role": i could see the shock on their faces. but underneath it all, im still the same person i ever was.

being eic was.....interesting..interesting is perhaps the worst word i could use to describe wat i went through but for now..

i officially started in sept. first issue. my co eic and i worked assiduously together, making optimistic plans for the improvement of the paper. everything got off to a brilliant start. we composed an amazing team; being each other's backbone and everything.

unfortunately, these bright memories were short-lived. i faced an abundant amount of challenges. i struggled with both myself and others. i couldnt understand why things happened the way it did. as my partner started to "slack off," i took care of most of the responsibilities. i was too nice. always the one who did wat the others didnt want to do. that i brought upon myself. and predictably, my relationship with my co worker started to deteriorate. we had our fair share of arguments.

i nvr really shared these thoughts with anyone though. i felt that my staff shouldnt need to worry about us. it was my job to look after them. but sometimes, i jus wished i had someone who understood, who would know what to say or do. i kept everything inside myself and i was ashamed of the many things i let happen.

just last week, i reapplied for my term. its funny. i was less confident about getting chosen than i was a year prior. i guess its cuz there were things that i wish i had taken care of but i didnt. i shouldnt have allowed this "re-evaluation" to happen. it wasnt just. it wasnt deserved. but i basically gave away my title..the very position i worked night and day for. no one knows, no one cares, no one took the time to fathom what happened between the eics. only my partner and i. and i knew...she wasnt going to reveal the truth.

perhaps it wasnt meant to be. perhaps i wasnt the right person. perhaps eic just didnt fit me and i had tried to hard to be someone i wasnt. perhaps its better that no one knows....

the path i took brought me back to the same place. i dont understand. nothing adds up. i felt like i wasted a year.....gaining nothing. did i really deserve this ending? ......

i realized that theres no point in lingering on these thoughts. whats done is done. theres no going back. we cant dwell on the past. we'll nvr be able to see sun. what i did learn from this yr was tat...dont let others shape you becuz tats exactly what i let happen. voice your opinion. dont ever appease others becuz you are afraid of the results.

you are who you are, not what others want you to be.